The Story

There is a story behind my story that I don't often tell. I keep it to myself because the victory of life seems more appealing than the story of death. But I learned some of life's most valuable lessons during my darkest days.

So allow me to begin.

I used to be broken. I used to feel lost. I used to wonder if the "good days" would ever return again. There were nights where I lay awake unable to sleep, mornings where I awoke from night terrors in a cold sweat, afternoons where I left work and cried myself to sleep because it was the only way to stop the bottomless pit of panic in my chest. And no one knew what was wrong with me. "Perfect Health" they claimed.

Here is a brief list of symptoms that I approached my doctor with, roughly 4 months after they began:

Headache
Stomach ache
Panic attacks
Mood swings
Hair loss
Weight loss
Hearing loss
Vision loss
Confusion
Paranoia
Swollen lymph nodes
Sore throat
Cough
Runny nose
Rash
Back pain
Neck pain
Light headedness
Social anxiety
General anxiety
Suicidal thoughts
Loss of appetite
Chest pain
Rapid pulse
Night terrors
Dizziness
Fainting
Trembling
Impending doom
 

... and the list goes on.

I remember saying to my doctor "I just feel like I'm dying." But all he did was analyze my blood work and conclude that I was in "perfect health."

4 months passed before my first symptoms and 3 more would pass before I returned to the doctor demanding more tests because it had become so hard to breathe that I could barely function. 1 week later I found myself being rushed to the E.R. via ambulance. 3 months after that I found myself in the hospital being prepped for open heart surgery.

And this... is merely the prologue.