The Tide

My chest feels like its caving in,
The thoughts they swirl inside my head.

Not again, not again, not again...

In and out, I coach myself,
Just let your breath flow free -

But the release catches short,
And the tears clench within me.

... not again, not again, not again.

The tide is rises and it falls,
Carrying my hearts with its waves -

The shore ahead looks brash,
And I fear the crash will break -

Not again, not again, not again.

In and out, I remind myself,
Just let your breath flow free -

And as the waves begin to crest,
I surrender and find rest.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now I'm floating out to sea,
Unscathed and happy as can be.

Fear

What is fear? And how is it holding you back?

- - - -

Recently, Aortic Hope hosted a Virtual Support Group featuring a Live Q&A session with Dr. Crawford from the University of Maryland Medical Center. The session focused on post procedure/surgery care.

What I noticed, as I was monitoring content behind the scenes, was that more than one fear based questions arose. Now, I can only comment on these specific questions because I have lived them myself and I have asked them myself.

Which is why I feel called to bring this topic up of fear.

- - - -

So... what is fear?

According to Google, fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

If you're reading this, I'm going to go ahead and assume that at some point in your life, you have experienced fear. You may be feeling it right now. In my world, that is extremely common.

However, the key - the secret, if you will - to not only conquering your fears, but preventing them altogether is where I'd like to steer this conversation.

So, we all know that fear is an unpleasant emotion. But how is it holding you back?

Fear cannot live in a loving environment. The more you learn to love yourself, the less that fear can live inside of you. The more in tune you are with yourself, the more your body is going to begin instantly making you aware of your needs moment by moment. Now, does this mean that fear will not arise? Of course not. However, what it means is that you become bigger than the fear. You take back the control.

- - - -

"Love yourself fiercely, for fear cannot enter."

Today is a good day.

My long-distance Swedish friend, and fellow aortic survivor Timo, likes to say "today is a good day." The first time I read the phrase in one of his post cards, the words didn't really sink in. But after a few months, and continuous inspiration from my pal, I started to use the saying myself. At first, I didn't even notice that I had been doing so. But when the pattern became apparent, I wanted to embrace it. Today is a good day, as Timo declares, because today is a day at all. That small and simple statement is often over-looked in today's society. There are so many distractions to begin believing that we are invincible. But, for those of us that have been affected by life altering situations and/or circumstances, we know [sometimes fearfully so] that we are not. Because today is all that we have. And the realization of that thought is where the blessing lies.

So, you can either take this day, and allow it's overwhelming burdens to weigh you down, or you can find the good in it. Personally, I need to stop getting so caught up in the details. I worry and stress unnecessarily because I crave this un-perfectable perfection that doesn't truly exist. What does exist is this very moment, this very breath, this very special moment of existence. It may be un-perfectly perfect, but that is ok.